Some Silly Questions My Friend Asked Me About Having a Foreigner (Bule) Boyfriend

By Miss Across the Sea - Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Hi all,
Kali ini gw pake bahasa Inggris ya. (This time I will use English language). Why suddenly I use English language, after all this time I try to used my written Indonesian language, like the way I talk it? It is because I want to show them, and us, what kind of questions, or even a comment that some people tell me about having a relationship with a foreigner. And, this is just based on my experience, I don't say all Indonesian people do that, but still, most of them doing that.
  • Prejudice about Bule Hunter and Gold Digger
As you know, as an Indonesian woman, I live in the society full of prejudice. Not all, but most of them do that. As someone who have foreigner, I don't like to be called as "Pemburu Bule" or "Bule Hunter" or "Foreigner Hunter". Why? Most of the society around me think if a girl looking for a foreigner as her couple, they think this girl is not good girl. I can't find the reason why? But probably this kind of prejudice pop up because, most of girls (and I think it's not just Indonesian, Asia, and not only girls) are a gold diggers.
It come up with another prejudice about foreigner. Most of Indonesian (and probably Asian), think, all foreigners are filthy rich. And this makes some gold diggers trying to get more and more foreigners for fulfilling their needs, especially their needs of things.
This is what some of Indonesian people think about the girl who have foreigner boyfriend. Me too, they do tell me about this "Bule Hunter" and "filthy rich" boyfriend, because my boyfriend is foreigner. Of course I couldn't and won't explain to them about my reason fall in love with him. I wouldn't explain to them how our relations work. That's the two prejudice about having a foreigner partner in people around me.

Not all Asians are Gold Digger and Not all Westerners are Filthy Rich

  • Penis size and Sex Before Marriage
Another thing is about their penises. Most of Indonesian (man and woman) thinks that foreigner's penises are bigger than Indonesian man, and that's what they think about us, the girl with foreigner partner, want to have a foreigner boyfriend. And this thing pop up because in most Indonesian people mind, even you are not allowed having sexual intercourse with your partner before married, but it will be different if your partner is foreigner. If it's about foreigner penises, so it won't be a personal space in Indonesia.
I wouldn't say this is wrong. But, it would say too much intervention. For something like sexual intercourse, it's about personal space. And, also about penis measurement???? Why I have to compare every penises in the world??? Honestly, I don't know the reason why they asked something like that. For sexual pleasure? LOL. I think my relation with my boyfriend is NOT only for sexual pleasure.
And about most of people around me more permissive about sex before married with foreigner. It's not all. Not all foreigner think about only want to have sexual intercourse with their partner. I believe my partner (and I think most of all foreigners) is open minded, and respectful person. If you said "I don't want to have sexual intercourse before married", I believe they will understand it.
It come into further question, if after you come back home after visiting him and gain some weight. "Are you pregnant?" Does pregnancy will be that easy to measure? Only by gaining weight? LOL. Yet, this is another permissive thing they (or most Indonesian people) do when you have a foreigner boyfriend. The story will be different if your boyfriend is not a foreigner. Probably they will not going to asked you that question, but talking secretly behind you. And probably they will see you as a bad bad girl, or worse, SLUT.
Does size is the measurement of your relations?

  • Religion
Another (they think) important question that they will tell you is about the religion. Oh yeah... Most of people around me asked about that. Maybe some of girls will able to answer this kind of question. But when you grow up in the religious family, and you, yourself have another thought about seeing faith, you will be the object of shaming. Remember when Cercei been paraded in the King's Landing street and a Nun behind her ring bell and said "Shame" all the time? You will feel like that. LOL.

In Indonesia, religion is become the public matter. If you follow the Indonesia political news, you will understand it. So, it's not about how you seek and find the light, but religion and faith is given, since you were born, learn it, take it, give it to your kids, and that circle is go on and on and on.

Don't get me wrong, I am not seeing that as something bad. But, sometimes is too much, especially when they know when your boyfriend religion is different from your entire family's religion. The intervention to make him change his religion is toooooooooo BIG. It will be okay, if you have tell this to your boyfriend, the condition, what you want, and what is his reaction, and the most important thing is how you both deal with it. In the end, it's your relations not them.

The only thing that you have to remember, if you have a foreigner boyfriend, tell them about it. Find the solution together. Well for me, don't push them, but show them.

Personal Space that Can Never be Personal in Indonesia

  • When is and Where are Your Wedding
This is another question. The funny thing is they will asked  you this question in your 4 weeks relations, or 3 months. Well for me, yes we talked about wedding. In our 3 months relations, we are talked about wedding, but it's more to the concept in rough idea. And, yes come into some more clearer idea. Ended up with the idea about what concept. Then come to the guess, and where, and when. Of course it about how we manage about our time, and all about our preparation in our life before and after married.

Most Indonesian people (or most likely most of my friend) think married with foreigner will be as easy as married with the local Indonesian man. Oh yes, in here it's so easy, you don't need to give the immigration prove that you are having relationship with your boyfriend. You want to married, just registered in wedding registration office, and following all what the documents they need.

But they don't know it is hard to have permission to married a foreigner. In Indonesia and in Australia. If you want to married in Indonesia, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE SAME RELIGION WITH YOUR PARTNER. Because Indonesia married law is not allow you to marry if you have the different religion with your partner. Why? Don't ask me. I don't know too.

This is some rules that I can find in Indonesian immigration if you plan to married in Indonesia:
  1. As an foreigner, you must have KITAS ( Kartu Izin Tinggal Terbatas) or temporary stay id, which is different from your passport. How to get it? You can click this Indonesian Immigration link.
  2. Then you give the copy of passport and your birth certificate
  3. You have to give them the evidence that you are still single
  4. If you ever been married, you must give them your divorce letter too
  5. If your ex wife is passed away, give them the evidence letter too
  6. You have to give them the evidence letter from your embassy that you are allowed to marry an Indonesian.
  7. and all those letters are must be in Indonesian language. If it's still not, you have to change it into Indonesian language, and translated with the sworn translator.
And if you are Indonesian, it is much more easier, because you only have to prepare:
  1. copy of your id
  2. copy of your birth certificate
  3. data of your parents
  4. letter from village community officer (RT/RW) at your home
Want to know how we prepare if we plan to marry in Australia? They give you booklet about what kind of visa you want for you, you can read it all in their PARTNER MIGRATION BOOKLET, then  you can choose which kind of visa you need. and with this visa, you can plan your wedding.

Frankly speaking, it is not easy friend. So, married with a foreigner is not an easy way. So to be honest, if you talked about that, it feels like lots of burden in my shoulder. Since both of the countries are required lots of documents and times and money too. LOL.

And after all that legal things are passed, and planning for the wedding day, then we can make you all sure when and where. The other thing that bothered me is, are those people who asked me that kind of question will 100% come into my wedding day??? I am really not sure.

It's not that easy to marry someone with different nationality

  • Held Your Wedding Receptions at Indonesia
This is more into a statement rather than question. Most of my Indonesian friends asks me to hold the wedding ceremony and reception in Indonesia. If I do my wedding in Indonesia, means i have to invite lots of people, could be more than a hundred. If I can list it, it will started from my primary school's friend, then my 7th until12th grade school friends, my college friends, my ex-offices friends, my gym friends, my mother's friends, my father's friend, my brother and sister's friends, my big family from my mother side, my big family from my father side.

While sometimes, this kind of party is not really fit for some grooms and brides. Of course some people in Indonesia want to have a big party for their wedding, inviting lots of people. But I think some people really not fit with this kind of celebration. Some of them maybe wants something sacred and only a few people get invited.

Then again, a sacred wedding and only a main family and friend get invited sometimes can produce a strong fake story about the couple too around the people they know. Mostly bad fake story. But of course not all will do that.

Yeah, Indonesian way of having a wedding party is more to showing off that you are married. Inviting lots of people, and sometimes you can find one, two, or more groups of people come into the wedding party without invitation. Then again, some people maybe want to have a celebration like that, but some also don't, and sometimes (again) you have to deal with your big family about this wedding celebration.

Different Culture, different way to celebrate the wedding
  • Will You Change Your Nationality?
Again, another personal choice which is never been personal if you stay in Indonesia. I remember when we talked about my planning, one of my friend asked me that questions, and the funny things, the one who answer it is not me. And the most ridiculous thing that he answer it is "yes, she will absolutely change her nationality." plus "You are not loving your country by doing that." Oh excuse me!!!!

In my personal opinion, what nationality I will choose later is my choice, and no one can intervened it. How could you can judge people changing their nationality and not loving their country, just because they married the foreigner?? I can understand some of them don't know that you are able not changing your nationality once you marry the foreigner. But it doesn't mean you can judge people like that just because you don't know it. Then again, for some people who change their nationality, it doesn't mean they are not love their first nationality, could be they just hate people who judge people based on they don't know (like my friend).

What nationality that we choose latter is personal business

That's some questions that most of people around me asked me about having a foreigner boyfriend. Still have lots of it, but these questions are the most often questions I received. How about you? Do you have a question about it? Or maybe you face the same things but more questions than mine? Share it with me here ☺

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  1. Hihihi, pas baca poin pertama soal "size" hehe, rasanya can't agree more. Kalo liat perempuan Indonesia pacaran atau nikah sm bule, soal ukuran itu pasti bakal jd topik heboh utk candaan

    1. Hi Mbak Noe...
      Iya nih, pokoknya kalau tau ada tmn yang punya pasangan bule, pertanyaannya nggak jauh2 dari size ya.. hehehe


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